We commonly “make” friends as representations of our unknown unconscious needs and as the completion of polarities. The classic saying “opposites attract” is often reflective of halves of whole possibilities in development, with the other person taking on the missing function. Becoming aware of our shadows and our unknown and unmet needs allows for much greater conscious, intentional, deliberate choices about the “who” and the “why” of the friends we have and the friends we would love to make.
With this in mind, what if friendship came with life cycles, or seasons, and the genuine desire between people for exploration and a shared commitment to finding the best possible constellation of ongoing mutual satisfaction? And then, the ongoing/continual nurturing of that friendship without the pressures to make it something it’s not or keep it when it fades away? Seeing the end of friendships as just as normal and valuable as the beginning, and both being reflections of potential health rather than blame, shame, or failure, could be a shift towards authentic wellbeing for all involved.
This week, how might you assess for yourself the natural, needed (or historical) ending or season of a friendship with someone in an effort to capture what it has meant to your life? What has it taught you about what you want and need in friendship, and also, what has been missing? Reflections on our real needs in friendship, and their potential endings, are courageous and revealing, and arguably necessary. Not acknowledging things doesn’t make them any less true, just less illuminated.
These are the things we contemplate at the Research Center for the Science of Connection. Please take our assessment to help us on this journey to discover the science of friendship.